Ladies, why not eschew plucking your eyebrows this month for Monovembrow?

She was once trained by Al Gore, Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama, she tells us. What school did SHE go to? According to her audition video she was held at gunpoint in her own home (in Iran), and also kidnapped. Either Melody is a massive fantasist or she has had a very interesting life. 

Via evil wylie, this tweet by Nicholas Sparks: 

I’m curious — is anyone, anywhere in the world, watching one of my movies on television/cable/satellite right now?

An exceptional author bio from Jacqueline Howett:

The changing scenery in London, from the late seventies to the mid eighties with the novelty of Arabs, giving out easy money, while they became educated, had followed by the left over stench in the air of the Iran war. Heavy metal bands, drugs, the AID scares and the confusing beginnings of the first computers taking over, that empted the paper shelves to discs were all part of the horrors that made her flee to North Wales where she continued to edit the novel, Cass. Again, she had to flee from there, due to the Welsh politics of the time, who were burning the British bought homes there. Who knew? She felt she was also targeted, more so, for handing out in the village, AIDS Awareness articles. Since 1989, having fled North Wales, she continued her writing living in the U.S.A.

Phase 2:one resident of Procida, Mifu, "senses that change is possible". You're nearly there bruv. You're nearly there.

Phase 4: this resident of Procida has reached phase 4 clearly demonstrating the "cementing of fresh commitments that reflect the young person's new interests, aspirations and values".

It seems that the quarterlife crisis is now official. Today’s Guardian carried this article reporting findings that despite the quarterlife crisis, “which lasts on average for two years”, being characterised by “insecurities, disappointments, loneliness and depression” it can be a positive experience. Quite.

There are four phases, two of which are aptly demonstrated by presumably twenty-something residents of Procida, and here at the bbp we often refer to the experiences described above as episodes because they occur at least with less regularity than a crisis. Hence over the years we have developed strategies of our own.

This article reminded me of a piece from 2006 pre-bbp which outlined a strategy for “coping”. Rereading it now I can chart how we’ve arrived at the current state of delusionoir we have mentioned a few times; I think by submitting what you are about to read to the FT Life and Arts magazine for their Pampering Pleasure section says it all (delusionoir).

PAMPERING PLEASURE
Yachts, exotic paradises and a whatever the imagination allows

The Escanapism Centre in the silent surroundings of a Hampshire hamlet has a dubious feel to it. Is it a cult? It certainly feels like it as I drive up the gravel drive to the ‘epicentre’- an 18th century Georgian house. ‘Esacanapists’ stand solitary and sporadic in the grounds, lost in their self-indulgent reveries. I wonder how much they ’donate’ for the pleasure of looking like zombies. But my cynicism is assuaged when I meet Beverly, the founder and enterprising mind behind the Escanapism Centre. She has a warm and genuine smile and is of a slight and gracious build. She quickly explains that the Escanapists I encountered are the rich and very lost. Most are investment bankers and lawyers who work extremely hard and have tried every method and alternative therapy to attain the work-life balance that has become the new Nirvana in our global identity. They are the extremity of the people Beverly encounters-hence their need to remain close the house, “it’s a comfort thing”.
Beverly is not a psychoanalyst or a trained therapist. She is a former CEO of a successful global multinational who has attuned herself to the pleasure of daydreaming and turned it into “almost rehab” for the overworked. Escanapism is a fix for “the tortured soul of the global human being. We want everything, we want it now and we want it everywhere we go. This is a new phenomenon bought on by the global market that needs to have its counter-balance or we’ll end up losing ourselves.” She continues, “everywhere we go we leave a tether of ourselves and our memories in every port of the world. The GHB (Global Human Being) is not used to this.”     Her spiel is convincing when I apply it to my own life. How can I compress all my social relations into an immediate sphere that enables me to access those nearest and dearest when they could be 6000 miles away? For Beverly, Escanapism is all about this compression “through the good old fashioned means of daydreaming.”  She leads me into the house where I find more people essentially taking an afternoon nap. She instructs me to find a chair I find comfortable. Once seated she tells me to indulge in my fantasies. Or “realities” as she calls them.
After I have indulged myself with the company of Monica Bellucci and my ex-wife on a 70ft yacht moored in the Indian Ocean I leave to return to the hustle and bustle that is my life. Beverly imparts some wisdom before I leave. “Remember, a global human is subject to global pothos. If for a moment we can escape this global pothos, we can strive for more meaningful lives. It can be done anywhere, anytime.”
At the traffic lights and in a jam on the way home I snatch some moments of escanapism free of charge.

We are also looking for an suitable avatar and would like to know: what kind of face best sums up The Delusionoir?  We’d love to hear your thoughts.

UPDATE:

This idea has now been abandoned in favour of a hashtag. We will use #delusionoir on the regular twitter account. Thank you for your patience readers.

Rarely on hotel review sites, such as tripadvisor, do you actually get an idea of what to expect; it’s as much a gamble picking the first B&B from a list in Lonely Planet as it is going by some of the contributions to review sites.

It’s always better to get a recommendation from a friend but as the brownbookproject is generally regarded a pioneer amongst its peers trusted recommendations are hard to come by.  So imagine then the pleasure we had in reading a review by VBSLondon. Ms VBSLondon is not cynical or snidey and does not deal in malice and contempt. Nor does she fawn and gush. This review of a hotel in Sicily is balanced and informative and has that sparkle of quintessential Englishwoman abroad.

The linen-clad staff are friendly, helpful, attractive, and most speak English. Particular thanks go to the charming Barbara for being a mine of information on local restaurants.

There is also a priceless observation that there were “no boxes of tissues provided during our stay.” It is without doubt that Ms VBSLondon met other English people because “Guests in another room also remarked on this puzzling omission.” Being English I understand the importance of boxes of tissues being placed strategically about the home. Why VBSLondon did not take her own multipack of travel Kleenex is not made clear but it is this detail that makes her review a pleasurable read and I wish Ms VBSLondon had gone to Procida instead of Sicily.

Girls like a man who is dangerous but girls also like Justin Timberlake. I read this in Vanity Man magazine and my ability to forge these two contradictory traits into a single identity is the key to my success with girls on campus. That is why I carry a skateboard under my arm wherever I go. Girls will see that I am fearless, dangerous, and unpredictable but then they see my woolly hat and dopey eyes and they see JT. It generates a frisson whenever I enter the lecture hall or seminar, and if I really want to devastate the girls I don a kiefer and pilot sunglasses. I’m the kind of guy that other guys want to be as I see the envy in their eyes.
 
But I’m more than just an image. I like to talk about the fight against imperialism and Zionism and I like to stand in solidarity will all peoples oppressed by America. I also had ‘No Justice No Peace’ tattooed across my back last autumn so that when I play bongos everyone can see the core of my beliefs.