Horner’s Love Corner: keep her in the dark, miserable and locked onto your positivity

Dear Horner’s Love Corner

I met a girl last week and we’re going to meet up this Saturday. I invited her to a show that a friend is putting on in a trendy part of east London however I didn’t tell her that it would be a punk rock show where maybe only three people turn up. Should I tell her what kind of music it is or just leave it for her to figure out herself when we arrive?


The Robster


Dear Robster,

Thank you for your enquiry. Wow, what a pickle we seem to have found ourselves in! I fear that your dilemma is one that will face you many times in the future. Do you give all your information at once? or hold back and see what happens? Modern day romance is a curious thing, it seems to spring up from nowhere and if you are not careful can disappear just as quickly. The key to longevity (I am presuming that you are keen to eventually marry this woman) is to allow your partners individuality to remain and flourish. If you tell her that it may be a small punk rock show then you are not allowing her to decide for herself. Moreover, you are giving her negative signals straight away. Men are like protons and women are like electrons. Electrons – being negative –  are attracted to protons because they are positive. (Please note female readers that positive and negative are arbitrary names that were given to explain the phenomena of how these particles interact. Protons could easily have been called sane and electrons could have been called mental). So there it is. If you become Mr Negative then you are taking away her individual role in the relationship. What you must do is keep her in the dark about what is going to happen on Saturday night. All you can hope for is that she comes to your punk rock show – you have a fantastic time and she remains miserable – locked onto your positivity.

It’s simple chemistry really…

I do hope this helps…



Delusionoir links

We would love to meet Melody (link to Guardian) from this year’s The Apprentice:

She was once trained by Al Gore, Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama, she tells us. What school did SHE go to? According to her audition video she was held at gunpoint in her own home (in Iran), and also kidnapped. Either Melody is a massive fantasist or she has had a very interesting life. 


Via evil wylie, this tweet by Nicholas Sparks: 

I’m curious — is anyone, anywhere in the world, watching one of my movies on television/cable/satellite right now?


An exceptional author bio from Jacqueline Howett:

The changing scenery in London, from the late seventies to the mid eighties with the novelty of Arabs, giving out easy money, while they became educated, had followed by the left over stench in the air of the Iran war. Heavy metal bands, drugs, the AID scares and the confusing beginnings of the first computers taking over, that empted the paper shelves to discs were all part of the horrors that made her flee to North Wales where she continued to edit the novel, Cass. Again, she had to flee from there, due to the Welsh politics of the time, who were burning the British bought homes there. Who knew? She felt she was also targeted, more so, for handing out in the village, AIDS Awareness articles. Since 1989, having fled North Wales, she continued her writing living in the U.S.A.


The bbp comments on the quarterlife crisis.

Fuck Depression
Phase 2:one resident of Procida, Mifu, "senses that change is possible". You're nearly there bruv. You're nearly there.
Phase 4: this resident of Procida has reached phase 4 clearly demonstrating the "cementing of fresh commitments that reflect the young person's new interests, aspirations and values".

It seems that the quarterlife crisis is now official. Today’s Guardian carried this article reporting findings that despite the quarterlife crisis, “which lasts on average for two years”, being characterised by “insecurities, disappointments, loneliness and depression” it can be a positive experience. Quite.

There are four phases, two of which are aptly demonstrated by presumably twenty-something residents of Procida, and here at the bbp we often refer to the experiences described above as episodes because they occur at least with less regularity than a crisis. Hence over the years we have developed strategies of our own.

This article reminded me of a piece from 2006 pre-bbp which outlined a strategy for “coping”. Rereading it now I can chart how we’ve arrived at the current state of delusionoir we have mentioned a few times; I think by submitting what you are about to read to the FT Life and Arts magazine for their Pampering Pleasure section says it all (delusionoir).

Continue reading “The bbp comments on the quarterlife crisis.”

Delusionoir on Twitter

The Delusionoir series (1, 2, 3, 4)  is migrating over to twitter under the name RichardHarris4. This may be a temporary name or it may be permanent. The reason The Delusionoir is moving is because of twitter’s immediacy – the bbp feels delusion is best served by twitter. 

We are also looking for an suitable avatar and would like to know: what kind of face best sums up The Delusionoir?  We’d love to hear your thoughts.


This idea has now been abandoned in favour of a hashtag. We will use #delusionoir on the regular twitter account. Thank you for your patience readers.